Black is my colour of choice because I'm a skeptic. I'm not quite sure what love is. Sure it's something that I believe can happen over time, but it's been far too long since I've experienced it. Sure, there have been heaps of girls in my life over the last 10 years, but you wanna know why I'm not with any of them? I'll tell you why, because I was never in love with them. So guess what! I'm gonna give you guys an insight as to why I'm such a grumpy, standoffish, arrogant & jaded piece of crap.
Let me tell you a tale, this is one that I've mainly kept to myself.
1999 - I was 13 years old, I'd just started Grade 8 at Brisbane State High, was a non-asian who could do all the supers in KOF '99 as well as play DDR...being such a furious weaboo, it was only inevitable that I'd joined the Brisbane Anime Society.
That was where I met Miyuki. 16 years old, very short, very beautiful.
I knew very little about her, but we hung out a lot during screenings of Evangelion and Ruroni Kenshi, and we'd cop a bit of shit for talking during said screenings @ QUT's S-Block. To this day I still don't like stepping into that place. After hardcore sessions of anime we would head over to Replay and stay on the DDR machine for hours, as we were both sweating like pigs it didn't matter to us how we smelled. I ended up wagging school a lot just to meet up with her, then we ended up hanging out at her homestay family's place over at Runcorn a lot...and over a few months we became a lot closer, I'm not really the kind of guy who kissess and tells, but Miyuki was my first everything.
So do you guys want to see where I come crashing down? Fine.
I don't hear from her for a few weeks, no emails, no calls & didn't see her at BAS anymore, was a little bit concerned so I called up her homestay family, her father heard about us so he made her come back. That's the story I was given anyway...I hear no hide or hair of her until grade 12, where I got an email from her...her english had gotten better, and she was married with children to the boyfriend she had back in Japan...
I got fucking played.
By then I was running with a pretty bad crowd so rage was in no short supply for me, nor was rum and weed...I wish I'd made better decisions while I was a kid, but I don't regret where I am now as a result of those decisions, I've led a good life so far.
Do you know what hurt me the most though? I never got to say goodbye. I distinctly remember that was when I cracked open my first drink and never looked back...although I could've picked a better beer...XXXX Gold is atrocious, haha! Alcohol dulls the pain, but until very recently I've learned that it's only a temporary escape, and that I'm no good to anyone if I can't be good to myself. This is why, as my duty as a man, I need to put and end to this turmoil in my mind, body & soul. This is where it begins...with a farewell.
Sayonara Miyu-Chan.
Love is being able to say goodbye.
- Charlie
+1
ReplyDelete