( VII ) Love

Love. Whether it be real, imaginary or a delusion concocted by the deepest areas of our mind & heart. It will last longer than any of us.

Not all love is a fairytale story, which I'm sure all of you know already. But love doesn't work the way Walt Disney & Hollywood depicted in their productions. The idea that Love works without drama and pain is ridiculous. Just saying...

Now that, that is out of the way & we're all clear on that (lol) I can move on.


My most intense cross with Love was with a beautiful girl named Jean. Who I still love to this day, almost 2 years since we broke up. Never in my life have I felt so strong for someone. I admit I did get a little too comfortable and took her for granted, which I still will never forgive myself for (I recommend no one do that in their relationship by the way.. thank me later).

After dating for a year and gaining the happiest moments of my life from a person I've known for only such a short time, there is no doubt in my mind that she is the one for me. For instance.. I thought this a long time ago, when i decided that I wanted her to be mine for the rest of my life. I bought a ring, and planned on proposing in Sydney on our one year anniversary. However, with Jean attending uni Full-Time and myself working a lot it made it hard to see one another for such long periods of time, like when we first started dating. So this created a small bit of tension. Not to mention my Ex girlfriend, Sally trying to intervene, due to her now Ex Adam breaking up with her before Valentines day, and if she couldn't be happy on that day, then neither could I (Sally is one of the most selfish people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting).

So back to Sydney. Jean and I were out, I had planned to ask her to marry me in China Town in front of the teddy bear store (Jean loves all the cute toys) plus the store had Link dolls. (we're both obsessed with Zelda). So it would have been perfect, cause the Link doll had his hands holding a toy sword, so I was going to replace the sword with the ring, and just hold up the toy. But we didn't get around to any of this.

Due to Sally, unwanted time apart & frustration, we skipped dinner, ordered in, then headed out to go dancing. (Mind you we had been to Taronga Zoo earlier that day, and I have trouble dealing with being in the sun for too long) so I was quite dehydrated, drinking beer wasn't helping.. So I couldn't dance, and Jean Loves to dance. So me saying "No, I can't move and I feel sick" was, in a sense, breaking her heart, and the cherry on the cake.. That had just been stepped on and squashed.

After this, I found someone for her to dance with. Yeah, i let her dance with another guy to make her happy.. What the fuck right? "Love makes you do crazy things" never have I been a more fitting situation that fits that quote. We ended up leaving and going back to the hotel. She's never seen the ring. We ended up breaking up a week or two after we got back from Sydney, Due to Sally putting the knife through the squished cake and touching the bottom with the knife. Basically, the pieces were totally separated.

Sally had hacked into my Myspace account and added herself to my Myspace and added Jean to her Myspace, then from my account, sent a comment to Sally's Myspace saying "when are we having our valentines? ^_^" knowing that she had Jean on her Myspace and that she would see it. This was the last straw for Jean. This night I will never forget.

I called my best mate Tim, crying like I did when my mother had passed away, cause the loss felt just as identical. Telling him what had just happened. He was as shocked as I was when I got to her house and listened to what Jean had to say.

I cried for a whole 2 days and didn't leave my room. Didn't answer my phone, didn't go on the internet. I was a complete socially deaf individual. It took a whole year or more before Jean and I could talk without me being a complete douche and telling her how i loved her still etc.. These days, we're friends again and hang out from time to time. Which honestly are the highlights from this year so far, and I hope to have more of them soon.

Conclusion? Don't take your partners for granted, don't put up with something that bothers you about them, talk about things, be open (with limitations to your comfortable layers) and finally just take it as it comes. Love is a powerful sense/feeling/emotion that can overrule so many of us. Don't under estimate the power of love, ever. Not sure who said that quote originally, but they obvious knew what they were talking about.

I hope this has been somewhat interesting to read, as it has been for me to write. I hope it all makes sense, as I haven't stopped to double check anything.. This just flowed out of my mind through my finger tips.

Thanks for reading, reader.