( XIII ) Are we just friends, what are you saying?

Ahh, that trivial, fine line between 'lovers' and 'friends'.

"Love is a friendship on fire"
Jeremy Taylor

It's certainly a foundation for a great relationship. But how about in reverse? Is it really possible for lovers to resume a friendship once the romance has ceased?

If two past lovers can remain friends, its either they are still in love, or never were.

It's a curious thing... And a relationship-specific issue, or situation if you will.

Obviously if it's better for both to be apart, then that's how it should be. But then, what about those who want to remain friends? Why let a breakup ruin a perfectly fine friendship, right?

It can't be that hard!

Actually from my own experience, yes... yes it has been. With respect to the knowledge that these developments cannot be rushed but come with time, it has been an arduous, gradual progression.

I still feel like I've lost my best friend sometimes. He's closed now, harder to break into... We assume and accuse and scrutinize. Maybe 'cos we broke each others hearts. You can't help but search for the one you thought you once knew so well. He's hidden now, but not completely invisible to my eyes. We know each other better but these games we play just frustrate and disappoint. These masks don't fool anyone.

He still tells me he loves me. And as much as I want to believe it, the gut in me knows it can't be true. He's a charmer, but it's ever-synonymous with that word, deceit. He's Katy Perry's Hot n' Cold in a nutshell... One minute he'll tell me he likes someone else, the next he's calling me obscenities, then covers himself up and tries to play the L-word card. Once upon a time this would illicit some kind of reaction, a gentle wind fanning upon my post-relationship embers. And I'd fall for it. Willing and ready to forgive, to love again... But I couldn't keep this act up on myself. He hadn't changed. So why should I even entertain the prospect of us reuniting, if only to have my heart broken by the same reasons I initially left. Now, I take it with a grain of salt, shrug it off and laugh. I won't take him seriously, I can't! Until he gives me something more substantial than words. Legitimate action to echo and affirm his claims, declarations. To the aforementioned, he verbally protests...yet his actions only reiterate the concept that love IS just a game, for him.

They say trust is like a vase: once broken, it can be repaired, but it'll never be the same again.